Soule Restaurant: God Bless... Cell Phones

I love getting a new cell phone. It gives me time to clear out my personal life.

Really.

I just got a new phone. I won’t say the cell phone provider’s name, nor will I say the maker of my new phone, ‘cause they didn’t cut me a check.

And I don’t pay the 20 dollars or whatever the charge is to have them transfer over my contacts. I like to go through all the numbers I have:

Mom and Pop.

My daughter.

My supervisor for those days I have to call in sick (or when I score some tickets to a Yankees game).

My boss at my 2nd job.

And then I come across some numbers that I need to self debate with.

Paris: The stripper that I met at Goldfinger’s in Queens. She told me that she liked me a lot and for $500, I could have "relations" with her.

Delete.

Lisa R.: Email address only.

Delete.

Vicky: Young lady that told me she can't speak with me for a year. She needs to find herself. Who the hell was I talking to then?

Delete.

Melissa Q.: The enigma wrapped in a riddle. She loves me. She hates me. She loves me. She hates me. She yells at me. Apologizes to me. Lives in another state.
Save number for comedic purposes.

There's also the DO NOT ANSWERS I have to add. You know, the crazy stalkers, the lunatics…

Who am I kidding? The only lunatic I know is writing this.

I wonder how many people have put me under DO NOT ANSWER. Guess I'll never know.

SHAMELESS PLUG: August 15th, I'm performing at THE DUPLEX in the Village at 9:30PM.
“ANOTHER NIGHT WITH ILL AND FRIENDS” will be just as crazy as the first night.

Last show was a success and by success, I mean, wasn't raided by the police. If anyone is interested, seating is limited and you can go to www.theduplex.com and look for the show under August 15th for reservations. Or you can call 212-255-5438.

Tell 'em ILL sent ya.
Victor Torres